What Do You Mean By “Restore”?
What exactly do we mean by the word “restore”?
re·store | \ ri-ˈstȯr \ (verb)
1: Give back; return
2: to put or bring back into existence or use
3: to bring back to or put back into a former or original state : renew
4: to put again in possession of something
What exactly does it mean to restore or to be restored? By the definition offered above, Merriam-Webster (n.d.) suggests it involves a type of voluntary going back or returning. The word “restore” seems fairly positive, even vitalizing, when you hear or say it.
But, what if I don’t want to “go back"? What if the idea of giving back or returning to… produces fear? Incredible grief or heartache? Regret? Sorrow? Even paralysis? What comes up in my body and heart when I think about this? And why would I want to do it?
For those of us who have been through some real s-word - childhood trauma, a terrible relationship, an unfair layoff, financial ruin, the downfall of a business, the smear of our reputation, the excruciating pain of betrayal, any form of abuse or neglect, the inexplicable loss of a loved one, and on and on - there may be a disconnect between the hopeful idea of restoration and the devastating reality of what we do not want to return to. So, what sense do we make of this?
We have often heard that “children are resilient.” As a child is sent off to preschool for the first time, a well-meaning veteran parent tells their uncertain friend, “oh, he/she will be fine - children are resilient!” We (un)comfortably assume a young person who has lived through a natural disaster or the loss of a parent will eventually be OK, because “children are resilient!” Even I resonated with the term resilient, when I first read it in a graduate degree textbook about the various stages of human development. However, the definition of resilience (n.d.) is “the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress." With this in mind, is “resilience" the accurate word for attributing a person who has withstood the storms of life? Are they really the same coming out as they were going in? Dr. Diane Mandt Langberg (2004) suggests that children “are in fact not resilient, [but] malleable. To be malleable means you can be shaped; you are adaptable. A malleable object is one that can be pounded or pressed into another shape without returning to its original form” (p. 95).
Children are in fact not resilient; they are malleable. To be malleable means you can be shaped; you are adaptable. A malleable object is one that can be pounded or pressed into another shape without returning to its original form.
So, how do we reconcile a desire to be restored if the “original” state we remember is undesirable and, ultimately, unattainable? If you are having trouble with this conversation right about now, that’s fair - and common! If people knew who I really was, they wouldn’t love or accept me. That’s just it - the ashamed, dark, hidden, hurting corners of your life are a very real part of your story. But. They don’t define you - that isn’t who you are.
The ashamed, dark, hidden, hurting corners of your life are a very real part of your story. But they don’t define you - that isn’t who you are.
Here enters your authentic self. The HOPE that so desperately spurs on our mortal, most sincere goals of being better, trying, growing, changing, forgetting, being free - is that the original design of your genuine self is Beautiful, Free, Capable, and Whole! That is who you really are!
The original design of your genuine self is beautiful, free, capable, and whole! That is who you really are!
To acknowledge and be familiar with, and live out of one’s authentic self - the person you were uniquely and intentionally fashioned as, does not happen overnight. If you are old enough to read this commentary, the foundation for your personal sense of belonging in the world and how you relate to others has been laid. You have core beliefs that advise your decisions and experiences that impact how you interpret life experiences. Your heart has felt, and your brain knows well-grooved pathways. To be restored to your authentic self takes time and work, courage and reflection, practice and affirmation. But it’s there - you are there - and you are worth the journey.
References
Langberg, D. N. (2014). In Our Lives First. Diane Langberg PhD & Associates
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Resilience. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved August 10, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resilience
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Restore. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved August 9, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/restore